O.F.N.R. is a method for expressing ourselves that is more likely to get us heard in the way we want.

  1. Observation - describe the situation objectively so both parties can agree on the facts.
  2. Feelings - identify the feelings related to the situation.
  3. Needs - identify the needs that are connected to those feelings.
  4. Request - make an action or connecting request

Turning a statement into an O.F.N.R. expression might look something like this:

The statement

You don’t spend enough time with me.


Last week we only saw each other once, for a few hours, and we spent the time watching TV.

Feelings & Needs

I’m feeling lonely because I need closeness and communication.


Would you be willing to hang out for an hour tomorrow afternoon and talk?